That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
