She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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