I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
