I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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