grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I could make wine with my vomit
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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