I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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