So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
