i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
