Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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