dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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