Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
