Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
