"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
