When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
me + whiskey = a bad person
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