and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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