I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Blood and glitter go together right?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
