I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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