I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
