whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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