I wish they made helmets for livers.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
