Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
