Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
