i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
