I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
