I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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