And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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