we're blogging at a bar
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
