if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
