were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
