I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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