It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
