does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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