Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
