Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
