Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Is it because I queefed?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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