A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
