Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
