not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
