Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
