I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
