Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
