dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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