is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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