Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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