Don't make out with my wife yet
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
