She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
