Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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