I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
