we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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