My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
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