I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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