I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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