at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
