Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
