I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
