Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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