ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
