I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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